Not every parent in Montreal stands at the school gates worrying about pristine uniforms. Many are bracing for a far less visible storm: the emotional turbulence that comes with every September.
Vivian Muraki has spent years untangling the knots of family trauma and understands that the back-to-school season is about far more than shopping for fresh supplies. In a recent interview, Muraki offered a candid assessment—children are often overwhelmed by the breakneck pace adults set for them. Headaches, stomach aches, or sudden refusals to go to school are, she says, signals that shouldn’t be ignored.
Muraki points out that what many call “tantrums” can be the nervous system flaring up under pressure. Those outbursts, she contends, are not simply cases of bad behaviour. Instead, they signal distress, the body’s alarm bells that a child is struggling to adapt. By recognizing these cues, parents gain insight into their children’s unspoken needs.
The solution, Muraki argues, is not to press harder or fill every after-school hour with activities. Children, she believes, need time to decompress at home, a “soft place to land” where they can regulate emotions after a day of structured demands. Giving them space to talk—and to simply be—can make all the difference.
Language matters too. The well-meaning phrase “be brave” may, Muraki warns, inadvertently suggest that certain emotions are unwelcome. Instead, she recommends acknowledging fear or uncertainty and offering presence: “I understand this is hard, and I’m right here, you got this.”
Physical reassurance is also powerful. Muraki encourages the use of calming techniques such as getting down to a child’s level for an “anchor hug” or gentle hand pressure—simple methods to soothe anxiety and build trust.
In Montreal’s bustling back-to-school rush, Muraki’s approach is a call for patience and empathy. The advice is clear: slow down, listen closely, and don’t mistake nerves for weakness. For parents across the city, that may be the most valuable lesson of the season.
References:
What parents should and shouldn’t say before the kids go back to school, according to one expert
